Is it just me or are French women a knowledgeable bunch? For instance, how about the following accomplishments:
How to eat rich food without gaining an ounce.
How to look glamorous when shopping for bread.
How to raise children who eat all their dinner.
How to make a four hundred square foot apartment look like the queen’s quarters.
Seriously, what the f*ck? Impressive, and they do it with such aplomb. But there is one more thing that French women are good at: sex and seduction.
My personal theory, for what it’s worth, is that the French have centuries of mastering indulgence behind them. They’re not afraid of the wicked, the sensual, the provocative, the delicious. Mainly, they’re artists of their own lives. And they’re not going to be stingy about what makes their soul sing.
While the rest of us are struggling with being polite, conservative and proper, the French assume that life is for living, not regretting.
I envy that. The desire to live in technicolor and in the moment has been a rewarding quest of mine, and I have stolen a page or two from French culture.
But let’s get to the nitty gritty. What do French women know about sex and seduction?
Comfortable in Their Own Skin.
My first encounter with a truly spectacular French woman was when I was in elementary school. She was my French language teacher. Parisian. I was also fresh to Canada from Europe, and I instantly warmed to her free-spirited energy. She was always dressed in something that suited her to perfection. She laughed from the heart. She was alive!
Even in her everyday role as our educator, she managed to seduce us all into learning French by being comfortable in her own skin. Her comfort was clearly evident in her movements, in the way she commanded space. Quite by accident, we all learned the French philosophy of ‘bien dans sa peau’: well in your own skin.
One day in class, when most of us were fidgeting and agonizing over some lesson, she stopped what she was doing at the blackboard and said in her adorable accent, “Why don’t you just relax? Get comfortable in your skin?”
I was old enough to understand that this was the charm she exuded, and to make a mental note for my adult self. Lesson one in seduction learned!
Seduction is almost always a word that’s used in association with sex. But actually, we use seduction unwittingly throughout our whole lives. It is part of every relationship and does not have to be sexual in nature.
I found out later that being at ease in one’s own skin puts a lover at ease. It is a very attractive quality in either women or men. Being at ease leaves us open. Openness and vulnerability are uber sexy. It allows for a lover to fall into us spiritually and emotionally long before they enter us physically.
Bien dans sa peau is a way to shed resistance to situations and simply flow. It will show in your smile, in your body language, in the way you approach your lover. And I can guarantee it will be appreciated.
Confidence is one of those tricky things that I think falls under the heading of fake it till you make it. A French girlfriend I once had explained this to me when I asked her how she managed to be so maddeningly confident while I fumbled around being shy and coy.
“Don’t be stuuupid!” she said. The word stupid is quite charming en-robed in a French accent, by the way. “I’m not always confident, I just tell myself that I am. And other times I really am confident. No one can tell the difference anyway,” she said with a wave of her hand.
I’m telling you, she pretty much drove me out of my mind in all her faux confidence.
I decided to try it out on boys, I mean, who knew, maybe they could tell the difference? No! They couldn’t tell the difference.
I worked on confidence until I was more aware of who I was and truly understood that confidence in bed is not about how much you know and more about self-belief. Practicing my friend’s theory, I noticed that my own confidence somehow rubbed off on my lover, which was good for me.
Throw all insecurity to the wind, tell yourself that you’ve got this covered; add that confident glimmer to your eye! What your mind believes your body will exude, and with some delicious practice, sex and seduction will be another life skill you excel at.